I’m Now a Scientist!

You’re probably familiar with evangelism. An “evangelist” is someone who is currently unemployed tries to appear as an expert in a specific field. Example: there are plenty of social media evangelists. Most are still collecting unemployment checks.

But evangelism apparently isn’t the only game in town. Did you know you can become a scientist too?

Call it Science 2.0. Take any interest you have and call yourself a scientist.

That’s exactly what Dan Zarrella is doing. I was sent a link to his website and sure enough, Dan calls himself “a social, search, and viral marketing scientist.” He performs his science when he’s not an inbound marketing manager at HubSpot.

Intrigued, I scoured Mr. Zarrella’s website looking for information about his scientific background. Like some sort of advanced science degree. But alas, it appears that there is none. His background is in “web development.” Hmm. Without a degree in nuclear physics, shouldn’t he be an evangelist?

I decided to Google “viral marketing scientist” but all of the results seemed to mention Dan Zarrella. I guess he’s a scientific maverick, expanding the realm of scientific knowledge from the convenience of a Twitter account.

I’d like to think of myself as a maverick too so I’ve decided to follow in Zarrella’s footsteps and today am declaring myself a pleasure scientist.

After all, I’ve slept with hundreds of women from around the world. Women from my hometown, clients, college students, MILFs, girlfriends, tourists, models, and even a recognized celebrity. In the world of pleasure science, that has to be the equivalent of building a few useless websites, as Dan has done. Right?

My first research paper, to be published later this year on this blog, is entitled “Geolocating the G-Spot”. In it, I look at a variety of techniques that can be used to locate and stimulate the g-spot and the efficacy of each. Interestingly, I discovered that geography plays a major role in g-spot stimulation and posit that the earth’s magnetic field is somehow involved.

I am also conducting a study that looks at the effects of cocaine on short-term female sex drive. The purpose is to determine if a placebo effect can be observed when cocaine is substituted with baking soda. Anecdotal evidence suggests that it can and if validated, this will have implications for men who can’t afford pure cocaina.

If you’re interested in hearing my first panel discussion as a pleasure scientist, I will be speaking at a Nymphomaniac Society event in Toronto in May. The subject is “When Multiple Orgasms Isn’t Enough.” Be sure to bring a bag lunch.